My attempt at blogging

I have never blogged before. I actually never understood the reason for blogging. I've always kept a journal, and although it may be months (years?) between entries, it's always there waiting for me to come back and my spill my thoughts. I always thought that was sufficient. I could write whatever I wanted and no one could judge it. How could it get any better?

So why am I writing a blog right now? That is a very good question. The answer: I don't know.

This is what I do know. My life, as it exists right now, sucks. Why is that? Another very good question. I have a great life. Everything I've ever worked towards for my life and career are about to be achieved. I have an amazing husband who is willing to move anywhere to be with me (and is actually excited about it!). I just landed my dream job. I'm passing my 4th year of vet school with much more ease than I passed any of the 7 previous years, and the end is only 5 months away.

Yet I'm still unsatisfied. This is not my general state of mind. Typically I'm a happy go-lucky person who always has a smile on my face and people like being around me. Yet right now, I'm struggling now not to be the biggest bitch to everyone in my presence.

What it comes down to... I'm burned out. And being at my highest weight ever is not helping. The confidence is struggling to stay intact. Why can I manage the rest of my life so successfully that all of my dreams fall into place, yet not be able to ignore that cookie sitting in front of me? Even when I am so full I know I will not get any sleep because my stomach hurts too bad, I still lack the ability to turn down that fucking cookie.

Maybe this is the real reason I'm writing this blog. My weight is currently one of the biggest influences on my emotional stability (or lack thereof). And yet there are other people out there who are fighting the exact same thing. So why not write about it? Let my friends see what I'm going through instead of constantly trying to bottle up my feelings or pretending my computer is a good listener. My computer, that has no feelings, has never tried to lose weight, and that cannot tell me when I'm being an idiot or applaud my victories as they occur. Why not open it up to others who are going through this, so that I at least know I'm being heard by people who understand?

Of course, this is just me rambling. And who knows? Maybe I'll blog for a week and decide it's not helping. Or maybe it will be a sufficient outlet that it may make a significant difference in my life. Or maybe I'll just find that I enjoy it. We'll see.

And really, are my thoughts interesting enough to keep the attention of others besides myself anyway?

Maybe when I'm in a better mood, as I'm fully aware this isn't the most uplifting of posts...